My first week of school...Year 6

Well this week was my first week of classes at school. I have been at the same university for six years now and let me just say I think I have possibly made a mistake at returning. A little background on my education may be required for you to understand why I am feeling the way I am. I started university in 2004 and was admitted into the Concurrent Education program which is extremely hard to get into, since I did get into this program I went because I felt like I had to. By this I mean that my parents were so proud of me that I was admitted into such a tough program that I felt an obligation to try it. I have wanted to be a teacher since I was a little kid and used to write all my school projects on what I wanted to be when I grew up about being a teacher. I received offers from a school close to my hometown and then another more prestigous school about 4 hours away. I chose to go to the school close to my hometown but then received a call on the day of my senior prom telling me that there was one spot open for me and I had to make the decision right there on the spot.
I decided to go to the school close to home for many different reasons and no good ones if you ask me. I was in love with someone at the time who was still in my hometown (who ended up cheating on me for months at a time and broke up with me, but I will get to that in a later blog) I actually thought I was going to be with this guy forever so that was my main reason. Also I was a little scared to move somewhere 4 hours away that I had never been before and did not know much about the university. I also had borrowed money from my parents to pay the deposit at the hometown school so I did not want them to be out the money. With that all said I went to the school 45 minutes away from home and did regret it a lot throughout my first year. I had tons of fun ofcourse living in residence but I really regretted staying so close to home and not moving away and having a new experience.
So feeling that way for so many years was hard, I ended up hating my program and switched to an honours sociology program which I did end up really liking as the content I was learning was extremely interesting and I was learning things that I am passionate about. It took me 5 years to get my honours degree however I did get it and graduated this past summer. Here is where my dilemma lies. I decided to go back to school for a second degree because there are no jobs in my field in this area right now and I did not apply for graduate school or teachers college in time. So I am back in school right now getting my psychology degree however I have been there for a week and I HATE it. I do not hate what I am learning about as I am interested in psychology but I am hating the undergraduate university atmosphere. Everywhere I look I see people that just make me so annoyed and so angry. I do not even know these people but their actions and wardrobes and how they look and how they talk just drive me absolutely crazy. I probably sound incredibly judgemental it is just so hard when you are 7 years older than the people you are in class with. It just does not feel right being there and the minute I walked in to my first class and the girls sitting next to me were talking about how awesome this kegger the next night was going to be I wanted to run far far away. I am not a drinker I mean i did in my first couple years of university but have decided not to anymore and haven't for about a year or so now. So listening to all these people at school talk about how drunk they were and how cool they think it is makes me want to scream.
Just walking through the sea of first year students to get to my class just irritated me to a point where I just sat there and thought about how much I did not want to be there all throughout my class that actually had interesting content. I am sure I will stick it out this year because my degree only takes a year to complete and I am sure 2 degrees are better than one. However the thing is, is that right now i am taking over 100% course load so that I can finish this degree in a year so I will also need to take 4 classes this summer. The thing that is stressing me out is that I will not know what is offered in the spring/summer semester until February so if the classes I need to finish my degree are not offered then well I will be screwed. I am applying to teachers college which takes up a lot of time and money so if I get in I will go with my unfinished degree which will therefore feel like a waste. Or I could stay and finish my degree and then defer teachers college for a year which I do not want to do. So lets all hope the classes I need are offered in the spring or else I will LOSE IT! So I am very much stressing over this and I hate not knowing the fate of my future for the next 6 months *sigh*. So part of me is proud of myself that I will have 2 degrees eventually but the other part of me is mad at myself that I dropped out of concurrent education and now I want to be a teacher. I am also mad at myself that I partied too much and had so many lazy days and put off my school work so much that I only ended up with a B average. Anyways I guess maybe I just beat myself up to much about things. I just dont know what to do about school and how do get past the fact that every day I walk in there I just become so enraged and negative and when I wake up in the morning I already feel like skipping class and it has only been one week.
UGH

My First Blog

Well hello everyone (if there is anyone reading this), my best friend convinced me that i should start writing a blog. I never considered it before but realized that it would be a great release and outlet for me to reveal what i am thinking about most of the time. i am one of those people that is constantly thinking...what about? about my life, my future, school, money, my relationship, my family, my friends, people that i thought were my friends, things that have gone wrong...pretty much everything. people say you should never have regrets well unfortunately i have a few which usually ends up in me beating myself up over things that i shouldn't. but for this reason is why i finally decided to start writing a blog as getting things out there might help me not constantly think and over analyze everything that is in my head because it is a crazy place in there.

as for the title of my blog "Table for Two" this came from an inside joke with my best girl friend, we are always trying to lose weight and of course were at pizza hut one night and were thinking...wow how large would we be if we worked at pizza hut...well we would need a table for 2 for each of us because we would be extremely large. so that is where that came from. her and i have shared some of the biggest laughs i have ever had and that was definitely one of them. why is Matt Damon in my link for my blog? well this is another laugh that we shared... well pretty much everyone i know has had a large laugh at this. when i was in grade 7 i decided i wanted to shave my head, now this was not a good idea as i had not developed anything yet, i was stick thin, wore boys clothes, didn't pluck my eyebrows, and did not wear makeup... so lets just say a shaved head made me look like a boy. so there were no pictures of famous women with short hair so the only picture i could find for a haircut reference was yes Matt Damon. so now every time i go home to my parents house i get reminded that i once asked to look like Matt Damon when i was really just asking for a short hair cut!!! anyways big mistake!!! It took years to grow out and now i have a phobia of haircuts ha ha

anyways i thought my first post should explain both of the titles i have chosen and give you all a little glimpse into why i have chosen to write a blog. i will be back to write some more and I'm glad to be taking this chance to put my thoughts out there instead of talking the ear off my boyfriend who is probably very happy right now that i am typing and not talking.